Author Archive

Making Fun of Celebrities

Since Celebrities want to hi-jack the headlines of late, I thought I give em some myself.

Lindsay Lohan: it use to be a time when I said “I’d hit that in a second” now its like “give me a minute” cause I really have to think about it a lil longer. YOU STANK!

Britney Spears: When she 1st came out I thought to myself “what a sweet & innocent girl just doing her thang” Good for her. Never would have thought she would be Skanker then “cow utters”.

Al Sharpton: Doesnt he look like he washes his hair in a big bowl of hot butter? Head looks like one of those dinner rolls at golden Corral.

Charlie Sheen: Dude why would you go crazy like that over 1 hoe? I could understand if it was 2 hoe’s. See what crack does to your brain. MAN!

Brett Favre: Sending dick pics to “hot” chicks never works! Your better off sending pics of your dick to Brad Childress if you wanted action. I heard he sucks a mean one..in more ways then 1.

OK I will stop at 5! Making Fun of Celebrities the book will be on Amazon.com soon! Should be a huge success if I dont become famous and fuck that up by smacking a reporter, busted for drugs, having an illegal handgun while speeding in a school zone, and last but not least making fun of a black president….oh wait an african american president.

Men’s Clothes at J.C. Penney’s? NOOOOO!!!!!

OK how many of you guys actually shop at J.C. Penney’s? I’m guessing none because as men we all know that trying to find the mens wear section in Penney’s is like trying to find a career minded blonde in a strip joint. EXACTLY! What do you do when you first walk in the store? You walk to that BIG intersection where you go LEFT and You go RIGHT, you look both ways not seeing anything that looks like a mens section so you wander into the Jewery & Perfume section like you looking to buy. (ppsshh)

You peep around until you think you finally see a manikin wearing mens clothes. You walk that way until you get close enough to realize….wait thats not the mens wear, thats the DAM lesbian/dike clothing section and whats a Ellen DeGeneres manikin doing here? nevermind…..so now your commited to do the whole walk around the store routine, by walking thru the umbrella and gloves section and gotta stroll thru the ladies handbags and wigs of course. So when you finally get to to the mens wear what do you see? You see shit for clothes! thats right shit for clothes! and I love how they just gotta have a sports wear appearal section which when I think of sports wear I think of Nike, Reebox, and Addidis…not this off brand crap like athletech, protege, and sportstrax YUCK! No serious athletes wear this stuff!

Oh and what about how Penney’s thinks they are the official store of the NFL. WHAT? Really? There official NFL section only consist of 1 rack filled with those ugly ass Redskins jersey’s,  that arent really official! I mean pull 1 of the rack and what do you see? The number on the jersey is 00 and where the name should go on the back it reads “redskins”! last time I check there want any player on the redskins with the last name “Redskins”. I mean damn WTF! J.C. Penney you stink out loud! You stupid store that I wont go into anymore!

Henry Schilling in the "Clash of The Comics"

I have attached the E-ticket below:

Ok… you can print out as many as you want (for friends, coworkers, and family) just make sure they fill out the entire e-ticket.

After you print, fill in the blanks. First blank is the red sided ticket, in the white area section beside Tuesday please put the date of the show Feb. 1st, 2011.

Then down below that, fill out the e-ticket part:

Example:

Name: your name
Phone # your phone number
email: your email addy
Comedian: Henry Schilling

I am asking everyone to show up before 6:30pm they count the tickets about that time and the top 10 comedians with the most people get to preform….. SO I NEED A GOOD SHOWING. All E-tickets must be filled out COMPLETELY!!!

if any questions email me @ henry@henryschilling.com

Download Your Ticket Below:

Clash-Tickets

Cookout = muffins?

One lovely summer Saturday, I woke up with an urge to cookout on the grill, invite the guys over for you know good times. So I go to pitch the idea to my girlfriend. I told her I was thinking about inviting the guys over to watch a game and cookout, guy stuff. I even told her I would head out to the store to get some food for the grill and before I could mention what kind of food I was going to get She (girlfriend) chants out ” We have muffins” MUFFINS!!!! Really? MUFFINS? Not steak, hot dogs or chickens but muffins. OK can you imagine me calling all my buddies and saying, “Hey I am having  a cookout and going to watch the game…. Oh what am I putting on the grill? Oh we have muffins – yes muffins…..We have blueberry,  apple and wheat  muffins.

So if anyone gets an invite from me to come over for a cookout – don’t forget to bring your breakfast beverage of your choice…… Cause we have muffins.

Afraid to use the "N" Word

White people are you scared to use the “N” word? Well you shouldn’t, I mean I use it all the time even around my black friends. They dont mind  me using the “N” word.  They tell me all the time to use it.  Matter of fact I love when black people call themselves the “N” word….. Oh wait, I have been called the “N” word by black and white people so whats the big deal?  So I say use the “N” word when ever and where ever.   Hold on a minute did I just write a blog about how you shouldn’t be afraid to use the “N’ word without using the “N’ word? Hmmm I guess I am afraid to use the “N’ word.  Nevermind you racist cracka’s. DONT EVER USE THE “N” WORD.

Twitter