Archive for the ‘Blog’ Category
1. Glow in the Dark Condoms ~ Oh the FUN of those! Giggles
2. Crotch Less Panties ~ For the right now, right here type of people.
3. Milk Chocolate Anal Lube ~ I’m Sorry…….
4. Chia Pet Dildo ~ The Struggle
5. Kim Kardashian Blow Up Doll(Black Guys Only) ~ #TeamWhiteGirls
I want to start off by saying “This is for entertaining purposes only. So with that in mind the two teams that I think will be in this years Super Bowl XXXVI will be the Seattle Seahawks(NFC) Vs Buffalo Bills(AFC). It’s hard to put in words how and why I think of this but yeah its what I feel is going to happen. So all my friends in Seattle and Buffalo start packing now because Feb 3rd 2013 you’ll be in New Orleans playing for RINGS.
OK Should I make jokes about The NFL concussion policy? I know it’s a serious issue now a days , so I’ll try to be as sensitive as I can. Yeah right, look the way the NFL is going pretty soon it won’t be any tackling. Even tho flag football was fun to play back in elementary school it’s something I wouldn’t want to spend all day Sunday’s watching, and hanging out late on a Monday night to watch either.
I heard of a great ideal on how to solve the NFL concussion problem, I forget who spoke of this (some retired NFL player). They said if you want to stop concussions instead of making the helmets more safer how about eliminating them! YESSSSSSS!!!! Think about it tho, I know if I was playing football and didn’t have a helmet on I would be careful how I tackle someone.
I remember playing football as a kid and we never wore helmets so we learned how to really tackle without using our heads. Now a days everyone wants the BIG hit so they can be shown on ESPN highlight reel. So take a way the helmet and boom their ya go.
OK seriously, if the NFL is taking measurements on trying to stop the concussions I just hope they do it without taking away the tackling part. Me personally I don’t see a safer way so why not just leave it as is? If your scared of the injury part then don’t play, simple as that. Besides….tailgating at a flag football game would be humiliating to all man kind!
Do you love fantasies? Do you love football? Put em together and what do you get? No not day dreaming of hot chicks playing football. I’m talking about fantasy football as in having Aaron Rodgers as your starting QB on your fantasy team. ahhhhhdreamy isn’t it? Unless your a Chicago Bear fan, because that my friends is a fantasy football law! Never pick your favorite teams rival players! NEVER! Some guys pick nothing but their favorite team players, now I never seen anyone actually win a fantasy championship with that strategy but its you team. Me, myself would never pick my favorite teams players because of the JINX I have on my own team. Happens every time, I put em as a starter and what do ya know? He stinks up the joint, my favorite team loses and my fantasy takes the hit.
Oh and what about naming your fantasy team? I’m always known as the “Buffalo Balls” get it? I like the Buffalo bills but I changed the “i” in bills and but an “a” to make it sound like a animals testicles. Ok I know I know how original but its my lucky fantasy name! I name my team anything else we lose!
Kickers & Defenses doesn’t win fantasy championships, but still a decision on Sundays that we must make. Oh and Bye weeks suck! It’s every fantasy team owners nightmare, nothing says WTF like having to replace Aaron Rodgers with Tarvaris Jackson who’s team is playing the Baltimore Ravens that week. Nothing and I mean nothing is greater then having the trifecta, Your favorite NFL team wins, your fantasy team wins, and you look like a football expert that you always thought you was.
We all have seen the Hoarder shows on A&E right? Well my question is have any hoarders ever seen the hoarder shows? I mean come on! Really? Do you have to hoard so much junk that Kim Kardashian ass is jealous? Look its ok to collect things…dolls,toys, and such and such but cant you at least keep it organized and neat? Oh and what about the hoarders that just throw trash everywhere? Those are the worst kind!
Look if you ask my mom she will tell you that I never kept my room totally cleaned but I did from time to time tidy things up. I even threw stuff away from time to time…like my G.I. Joe. Which should be a man law! (sorry G.I. Joe) I miss ya buddy. Ok lets get back to this hoarder thing before I feel guilty and start crying. (sniff sniff)
2 hours later……..Ok I doubt that any hoarders are reading this but dammit stop making up excuses for your sloppiness. All I do is laugh at y’all pathetic ass. Clean up your damn houses and stop your crying about how you love your junk and how hard it is to throw away your collectibles(JUNK)!!! Besides if My G.I. Joe had to go then dammit…oh never mind!
Ebay search……G.I. Joe
Guess what? Tim Tebow is now the starting QB for the Denver Broncos. Ok and for the record I’m not a Bronco fan and I really didn’t like Tebow when he played for the Florida Gators. So why am I writing this blog and supporting Tebow? Because Tebow is a baller! That’s it a Baller! Some might say Tebow isn’t ready yet, some will say his throwing mechanics aren’t pretty, some will even say he flat out sucks! Guess what? Tim Tebow is now the starting QB for the Denver Broncos!
Look I know Tebow is gonna have some games were he messes up, fumbles, interceptions, and even not going with the play calling. I get that part! The dude is a stud on the field, he’s a winner, and when he’s on the field he does whatever it takes to win the game. Stats will be ugly of course but by the end of the game…..Tebow will have given 100%. So all the doubters and haters just do your thing and keep on doing what you do but I know one thing Tim Tebow is the starting QB for the Denver Broncos!
OK 1st day of Madden 12 and my thoughts? Well its GREAT! Wait I think I’ve said that every year that it has come out. Anyways after 3 hours of watching this game, THAT’S right watching. Haven’t called one play yet. I will at some point but I always like to watch and check out how it looks and enjoy the graphics. BTW I suck at playing the game especially playing online. Unlike other people that buy the game and JUMP online right away and play a game before they can even figure out which buttons to push.
OK so we got that I suck at playing out the way lets get to some other things like the ratings and stuff. Well I think everyone should know I’m a Buffalo Bills fan, and well lets just say for the sake of this blog that the Bills suck. Well they were 4-12 last yr. So as expected their ratings as a whole SUCK! Their Madden rank is 28th BUT wait they do have 2 players on the roster with ratings over 89 and well 1 of them is the PUNTER. Which doesn’t help me win a game if I was to play online anyways.
So lets see I suck at playing, My team sucks at playing, and I still enjoy it. YES! I do its football for the love of all out doors. So just get the game and enjoy it how ever you like.
What if there was no NFL this year? Scary when you really think about it right? Imagine waking up on a Sunday morning and planning your day without any football. I mean no waking up and going through your morning game day rituals like putting on your favorite player/team jersey. No adjusting/researching your fantasy team while watching every pre-game show available. No grillin’ & talking smack with your buddies on game day. No going out to your local sports bar and cheering as loud as you can with other football fans while chowing down wings and guzzling some beer. Nope none of this….all gone because of greed.
Sad as it may sound, its a reality. A reality that could mean changing your football Sundays into something straight out of a horror flick. Imagine because of no football you would have to spend all day doing yard work, cleaning out the basement/attic, and then imagine you with your significant one sitting on the couch all day watching a Law & Order marathon. Not saying you should “not” love doing things with your other half but DAMMIT this is football! It’s a understanding that during football season there’s only one thing us fans want and thats FOOTBALL! So for the love of every fan that bleeds there teams color PLEASE NFL don’t shut it down!
20 random tweets from the past couple weeks from me:
1. Dennis Rodman to play the lead in the new movie “Drag Cinderella” #TwoThumbsUpYourAss
2. if you follow me on Twitter I swear I will follow you on Myspace. #Deal?
3. I feel like I’m underachieving at this point in my life, I should be past the shyness of kissing a girl. #PuckerUp
4. I’m looking for that One Shining Moment, That moment after sex when she finally says “Good Job” #iWaitpatiently
5. #thingsivesaidduringsex your not as good as your mother
6. #ilovewhen a Blonde thinks she’s smarter then me, Just remember I’m not as smart as I look to you and dont forget it. #DumbBitch
7. I’m a beautiful person in the inside, You just have to peek through my asshole to see it. #JustSaying
8. Dear @charliesheen , Can I open for one of your shows? I think I can get louder Boo’s then the last guy that opened for you. #HookMeUp
9. #ilovewhen People recognize me when I’m out and about….”Hey look isn’t that the pervert they caught on To Catch a Predator?” #MakesMeCry
10. Interviews with a NASCAR driver after they wreck could be the funniest thing ever. #CarWasStrongDangGummit
11. Just realized I’m sitting on the couch watching “The Black Dehlia” with a cat lying next to me. #FaggotMoment
12. The counter person at the WaWa’s in ashland , va. has the ashiest knuckles I have ever seen on black person. #Lotion
13. You know your getting old when you have to take a pill when you wake up, go to bed, before you eat, after you eat, before and after sex.
14. #uknoyoughettowhen you go to McDonalds to steal napkins because you ran out of toilet paper
15. #uknoyoughettowhen your BathTub is used for washing your ass and your clothes. #JustSaying
16. Was stoked to play some wii-fit tonight, but I broke both my legs, sprained both wrist, and snapped my back. Oh well maybe tomorrow. #Yawns
17. If there is a Black Lady GaGa she would call herself Shanaynay GaGa. #YaHerd
18. #idontunderstandwhy you trying to merge on the highway doing 35MPH!!! We doing 70MPH WTF? #PickUpSpeedAndMerge Dammit!
19. There are 3 ways of communication 1. Telephone 2. Television 3. Tell-a-woman
20. Running out of toilet paper in a public restroom, and being busted walking with your pants down tryin to find some. #thatwasawkward