Archive for the ‘Uncategorized’ Category

The NBA Finals (2016)

I hated this years NBA finals. Lebron James won that’s why. Yeah yeah yeah, the City of Cleveland won too. Now Lebron is looked at as the greatest. Thanks everyone for being caught up in the moment. Did y’all forget he is 3 for 6 in the Finals? That’s not GREAT. Hell Robert Horry has 7 rings.

Brian Scalabrine (Fan Favorite) & (Worst Player)

Is it possible for a NBA player to be a loved by fans but yet still be the worst player ever in the history of the league? Hello Brian Scalabrine, You are that guy! BTW I’ve done my research with rules on my findings. Player has to have at least 10 years of playing.

Scalabrine played 11 seasons (NJ, Boston, Chicago) played in 520 games started 61! Which kind of surprised me, I mean how and why did that happen? Anyways….He averaged 13 mpg, shot 39%, only 2.0 rpg (he’s 6’9) and averaged 3.1 ppg

I didn’t have a whole bunch of players to pick from, but thought Scalabrine was a interesting one. Oh BTW he did win a NBA Championship in 2007-2008 with the Boston Celtics! So does that make my claim that he’s the worst player…… a FAIL?

PS. Brian Scalabrine is the greatest guy you ever want to meet! We love ya “White Mamba”

Top Five Lies Broke People Tell

1. My work messed my check up

2. My bank card broke I gotta wait til they mail me another one.

3. I got money I just don’t wanna spend it

4. Imma pay off all my bills when I get my federal tax refund back

5. I didn’t like that car anyway, so I let em have it(Repossessed)

(From My Twitter) @HenrySchilling

Final Four (My Picks)

Well since the start of the NCAA tourney my bracket picks have been a little off, well sorta like Way off. Lets put it like this if I was a gambler and I had put my life savings on the line for my bracket, I would be writing this blog in the mud with my fingers in a place called “Republic of the Congo”. I said if I was a gambler…..OK so let me get to my predictions.

Connecticut Vs. Kentucky
Well My prediction on this game is easy, I think Uconn will win this game hands down. My reason? Uconn has a guy name Kemba Walker for those of you who haven’t seen or heard of him please do the youtube search. Its funny cause someone the other day asked me was he from the country of Africa? I said no but he is from some sorta of tribe called the BaddAssMuthaFuckerYouCantFuckWit Tribe. Oh by the way who picks a team from kentucky? whats the first thing you think of when you hear kentucky?……Thats right Country ass MuthaFuckers. So you see why I’m picking Connecticut right?

VCU Vs. Butler
Ok another easy pick, How can you not pick VCU when there coaches name is SHAKA Smart? Do you understand what Shaka means? Its a Hawaiian hand gesture. It has many meanings. Originally it means to “hang loose”, or to chill and be laid back. OK Got my Vote! Plus If I don’t pick VCU I will be kicked out of my own city. Besides Butler? Who picks a team that is bossed around ‘Butler drive the car around for me” “Butler have the laundry done today so I can look fancy tomorrow night”.

Anyways in the Championship game I am going with VCU! because the city of Richmond needs something good to happen other then Garbage collection every Tuesday morning.

Quickies(Jokes)

My girlfriend told me my love making reminds her of Earnhardt Jr. because everytime I do good and she starts to have confidence in me I find away to wreck the shit before I finish.

I heard Justin Bieber is releasing his very own male nail polish….1st 3 polish colors are Fag, Faggy, and Faggiest!

We was so poor growing up my sister had to use Q-tips for tampons, and all these years I thought she had a ear infection……or a tight vagina

They say women blink twice as much as men…..which proves I do last twice as much at sex then giving credit for from my past girlfriends

its PMS awareness week, so to help the fight against PMS I would like to donate $1,000 Dollars to the makers of Duct Tape…

My intrest are Pizza, Sports, and Women (in that exact order)……its obvious why women come 3rd to me. Some body gotta clean up the pizza boxes and turn off the TV after the game.

The older I get the more mentally athletic I am…was watching football sunday and the WR let the pass go right over his head without diving, I’m like I could have have dive for that and made a touchdown!!!! as I moan in pain while reaching for the last piece of pizza.

I dont drink alcohol, which is probally why I have no sex life!!! I go to alot of bars and clubs and you know that saying “The more you drink the prettier she gets”…well that same ugly chick sittin at the end of the bar when I walk in…is the same ugly chick sittin at the end of the bar when I walk out, until I get her home that is.

Cookout = muffins?

One lovely summer Saturday, I woke up with an urge to cookout on the grill, invite the guys over for you know good times. So I go to pitch the idea to my girlfriend. I told her I was thinking about inviting the guys over to watch a game and cookout, guy stuff. I even told her I would head out to the store to get some food for the grill and before I could mention what kind of food I was going to get She (girlfriend) chants out ” We have muffins” MUFFINS!!!! Really? MUFFINS? Not steak, hot dogs or chickens but muffins. OK can you imagine me calling all my buddies and saying, “Hey I am having  a cookout and going to watch the game…. Oh what am I putting on the grill? Oh we have muffins – yes muffins…..We have blueberry,  apple and wheat  muffins.

So if anyone gets an invite from me to come over for a cookout – don’t forget to bring your breakfast beverage of your choice…… Cause we have muffins.

Tickets For Clash of the Comics

Ok… you can print out as many as you want (for friends, coworkers, and family) just make sure they fill out the e-ticket.

After you print, fill in the blanks. First blank is the red sided ticket, in the white area section beside Tuesday please put the date of the show…

Then down below that, fill out the e-ticket part:

Example:

Name: your name
Phone # your phone number
email: your email addy
Comedian: Henry Schilling

I am asking everyone to show up before 6:30pm they count the tickets about that time and the top 10 comedians with the most people get to preform….. SO I NEED A GOOD SHOWING.

if any questions email me @ henry@henryschilling.com

Download Your Ticket Below:

Clash-Tickets

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