OK 1st day of Madden 12 and my thoughts? Well its GREAT! Wait I think I’ve said that every year that it has come out. Anyways after 3 hours of watching this game, THAT’S right watching. Haven’t called one play yet. I will at some point but I always like to watch and check out how it looks and enjoy the graphics. BTW I suck at playing the game especially playing online. Unlike other people that buy the game and JUMP online right away and play a game before they can even figure out which buttons to push.

OK so we got that I suck at playing out the way lets get to some other things like the ratings and stuff. Well I think everyone should know I’m a Buffalo Bills fan, and well lets just say for the sake of this blog that the Bills suck. Well they were 4-12 last yr. So as expected their ratings as a whole SUCK! Their Madden rank is 28th BUT wait they do have 2 players on the roster with ratings over 89 and well 1 of them is the PUNTER. Which doesn’t help me win a game if I was to play online anyways.

So lets see I suck at playing, My team sucks at playing, and I still enjoy it. YES! I do its football for the love of all out doors. So just get the game and enjoy it how ever you like.

What if there was no NFL this year? Scary when you really think about it right? Imagine waking up on a Sunday morning and planning your day without any football. I mean no waking up and going through your morning game day rituals like putting on your favorite player/team jersey. No adjusting/researching your fantasy team while watching every pre-game show available. No grillin’ & talking smack with your buddies on game day. No going out to your local sports bar and cheering as loud as you can with other football fans while chowing down wings and guzzling some beer. Nope none of this….all gone because of greed.

Sad as it may sound, its a reality. A reality that could mean changing your football Sundays into something straight out of a horror flick. Imagine because of no football you would have to spend all day doing yard work, cleaning out the basement/attic, and then imagine you with your significant one sitting on the couch all day watching a Law & Order marathon. Not saying you should “not” love doing things with your other half but DAMMIT this is football! It’s a understanding that during football season there’s only one thing us fans want and thats FOOTBALL! So for the love of every fan that bleeds there teams color PLEASE NFL don’t shut it down!

WWW.Twitter.com/HenrySchilling

20 random tweets from the past couple weeks from me:

1. Dennis Rodman to play the lead in the new movie “Drag Cinderella” #TwoThumbsUpYourAss

2. if you follow me on Twitter I swear I will follow you on Myspace. #Deal?

3. I feel like I’m underachieving at this point in my life, I should be past the shyness of kissing a girl. #PuckerUp

4. I’m looking for that One Shining Moment, That moment after sex when she finally says “Good Job” #iWaitpatiently

5. #thingsivesaidduringsex your not as good as your mother

6. #ilovewhen a Blonde thinks she’s smarter then me, Just remember I’m not as smart as I look to you and dont forget it. #DumbBitch

7. I’m a beautiful person in the inside, You just have to peek through my asshole to see it. #JustSaying

8. Dear @charliesheen , Can I open for one of your shows? I think I can get louder Boo’s then the last guy that opened for you. #HookMeUp

9. #ilovewhen People recognize me when I’m out and about….”Hey look isn’t that the pervert they caught on To Catch a Predator?” #MakesMeCry

10. Interviews with a NASCAR driver after they wreck could be the funniest thing ever. #CarWasStrongDangGummit

11. Just realized I’m sitting on the couch watching “The Black Dehlia” with a cat lying next to me. #FaggotMoment

12. The counter person at the WaWa’s in ashland , va. has the ashiest knuckles I have ever seen on black person. #Lotion

13. You know your getting old when you have to take a pill when you wake up, go to bed, before you eat, after you eat, before and after sex.

14. #uknoyoughettowhen you go to McDonalds to steal napkins because you ran out of toilet paper

15. #uknoyoughettowhen your BathTub is used for washing your ass and your clothes. #JustSaying

16. Was stoked to play some wii-fit tonight, but I broke both my legs, sprained both wrist, and snapped my back. Oh well maybe tomorrow. #Yawns

17. If there is a Black Lady GaGa she would call herself Shanaynay GaGa. #YaHerd

18. #idontunderstandwhy you trying to merge on the highway doing 35MPH!!! We doing 70MPH WTF? #PickUpSpeedAndMerge Dammit!

19. There are 3 ways of communication 1. Telephone 2. Television 3. Tell-a-woman

20. Running out of toilet paper in a public restroom, and being busted walking with your pants down tryin to find some. #thatwasawkward

WWW.Twitter.com/HenrySchilling

Well since the start of the NCAA tourney my bracket picks have been a little off, well sorta like Way off. Lets put it like this if I was a gambler and I had put my life savings on the line for my bracket, I would be writing this blog in the mud with my fingers in a place called “Republic of the Congo”. I said if I was a gambler…..OK so let me get to my predictions.

Connecticut Vs. Kentucky
Well My prediction on this game is easy, I think Uconn will win this game hands down. My reason? Uconn has a guy name Kemba Walker for those of you who haven’t seen or heard of him please do the youtube search. Its funny cause someone the other day asked me was he from the country of Africa? I said no but he is from some sorta of tribe called the BaddAssMuthaFuckerYouCantFuckWit Tribe. Oh by the way who picks a team from kentucky? whats the first thing you think of when you hear kentucky?……Thats right Country ass MuthaFuckers. So you see why I’m picking Connecticut right?

VCU Vs. Butler
Ok another easy pick, How can you not pick VCU when there coaches name is SHAKA Smart? Do you understand what Shaka means? Its a Hawaiian hand gesture. It has many meanings. Originally it means to “hang loose”, or to chill and be laid back. OK Got my Vote! Plus If I don’t pick VCU I will be kicked out of my own city. Besides Butler? Who picks a team that is bossed around ‘Butler drive the car around for me” “Butler have the laundry done today so I can look fancy tomorrow night”.

Anyways in the Championship game I am going with VCU! because the city of Richmond needs something good to happen other then Garbage collection every Tuesday morning.

My girlfriend told me my love making reminds her of Earnhardt Jr. because everytime I do good and she starts to have confidence in me I find away to wreck the shit before I finish.

I heard Justin Bieber is releasing his very own male nail polish….1st 3 polish colors are Fag, Faggy, and Faggiest!

We was so poor growing up my sister had to use Q-tips for tampons, and all these years I thought she had a ear infection……or a tight vagina

They say women blink twice as much as men…..which proves I do last twice as much at sex then giving credit for from my past girlfriends

its PMS awareness week, so to help the fight against PMS I would like to donate $1,000 Dollars to the makers of Duct Tape…

My intrest are Pizza, Sports, and Women (in that exact order)……its obvious why women come 3rd to me. Some body gotta clean up the pizza boxes and turn off the TV after the game.

The older I get the more mentally athletic I am…was watching football sunday and the WR let the pass go right over his head without diving, I’m like I could have have dive for that and made a touchdown!!!! as I moan in pain while reaching for the last piece of pizza.

I dont drink alcohol, which is probally why I have no sex life!!! I go to alot of bars and clubs and you know that saying “The more you drink the prettier she gets”…well that same ugly chick sittin at the end of the bar when I walk in…is the same ugly chick sittin at the end of the bar when I walk out, until I get her home that is.

Since Celebrities want to hi-jack the headlines of late, I thought I give em some myself.

Lindsay Lohan: it use to be a time when I said “I’d hit that in a second” now its like “give me a minute” cause I really have to think about it a lil longer. YOU STANK!

Britney Spears: When she 1st came out I thought to myself “what a sweet & innocent girl just doing her thang” Good for her. Never would have thought she would be Skanker then “cow utters”.

Al Sharpton: Doesnt he look like he washes his hair in a big bowl of hot butter? Head looks like one of those dinner rolls at golden Corral.

Charlie Sheen: Dude why would you go crazy like that over 1 hoe? I could understand if it was 2 hoe’s. See what crack does to your brain. MAN!

Brett Favre: Sending dick pics to “hot” chicks never works! Your better off sending pics of your dick to Brad Childress if you wanted action. I heard he sucks a mean one..in more ways then 1.

OK I will stop at 5! Making Fun of Celebrities the book will be on Amazon.com soon! Should be a huge success if I dont become famous and fuck that up by smacking a reporter, busted for drugs, having an illegal handgun while speeding in a school zone, and last but not least making fun of a black president….oh wait an african american president.

OK how many of you guys actually shop at J.C. Penney’s? I’m guessing none because as men we all know that trying to find the mens wear section in Penney’s is like trying to find a career minded blonde in a strip joint. EXACTLY! What do you do when you first walk in the store? You walk to that BIG intersection where you go LEFT and You go RIGHT, you look both ways not seeing anything that looks like a mens section so you wander into the Jewery & Perfume section like you looking to buy. (ppsshh)
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You peep around until you think you finally see a manikin wearing mens clothes. You walk that way until you get close enough to realize….wait thats not the mens wear, thats the DAM lesbian/dike clothing section and whats a Ellen DeGeneres manikin doing here? nevermind…..so now your commited to do the whole walk around the store routine, by walking thru the umbrella and gloves section and gotta stroll thru the ladies handbags and wigs of course. So when you finally get to to the mens wear what do you see? You see shit for clothes! thats right shit for clothes! and I love how they just gotta have a sports wear appearal section which when I think of sports wear I think of Nike, Reebox, and Addidis…not this off brand crap like athletech, protege, and sportstrax YUCK! No serious athletes wear this stuff!
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Oh and what about how Penney’s thinks they are the official store of the NFL. WHAT? Really? There official NFL section only consist of 1 rack filled with those ugly ass Redskins jersey’s,  that arent really official! I mean pull 1 of the rack and what do you see? The number on the jersey is 00 and where the name should go on the back it reads “redskins”! last time I check there want any player on the redskins with the last name “Redskins”. I mean damn WTF! J.C. Penney you stink out loud! You stupid store that I wont go into anymore!

I have attached the E-ticket below:

Ok… you can print out as many as you want (for friends, coworkers, and family) just make sure they fill out the entire e-ticket.

After you print, fill in the blanks. First blank is the red sided ticket, in the white area section beside Tuesday please put the date of the show Feb. 1st, 2011.

Then down below that, fill out the e-ticket part:

Example:

Name: your name
Phone # your phone number
email: your email addy
Comedian: Henry Schilling

I am asking everyone to show up before 6:30pm they count the tickets about that time and the top 10 comedians with the most people get to preform….. SO I NEED A GOOD SHOWING. All E-tickets must be filled out COMPLETELY!!!

if any questions email me @ henry@henryschilling.com

Download Your Ticket Below:

Clash-Tickets

One lovely summer Saturday, I woke up with an urge to cookout on the grill, invite the guys over for you know good times. So I go to pitch the idea to my girlfriend. I told her I was thinking about inviting the guys over to watch a game and cookout, guy stuff. I even told her I would head out to the store to get some food for the grill and before I could mention what kind of food I was going to get She (girlfriend) chants out ” We have muffins” MUFFINS!!!! Really? MUFFINS? Not steak, hot dogs or chickens but muffins. OK can you imagine me calling all my buddies and saying, “Hey I am having  a cookout and going to watch the game…. Oh what am I putting on the grill? Oh we have muffins – yes muffins…..We have blueberry,  apple and wheat  muffins.

So if anyone gets an invite from me to come over for a cookout – don’t forget to bring your breakfast beverage of your choice…… Cause we have muffins.

White people are you scared to use the “N” word? Well you shouldn’t, I mean I use it all the time even around my black friends. They dont mind  me using the “N” word.  They tell me all the time to use it.  Matter of fact I love when black people call themselves the “N” word….. Oh wait, I have been called the “N” word by black and white people so whats the big deal?  So I say use the “N” word when ever and where ever.   Hold on a minute did I just write a blog about how you shouldn’t be afraid to use the “N’ word without using the “N’ word? Hmmm I guess I am afraid to use the “N’ word.  Nevermind you racist cracka’s. DONT EVER USE THE “N” WORD.